So, there we were at McDonalds and I saw this sign for something free and told your mom to get two. Your assignment, if you accept it, is to go around and capture responses and post them to Utube. It could be really fun. Here's my imaginary scenario:
FREE WHEEFEES!
SPEAKER: Welcome to McDonalds. Ready to order?
HUSBAND: Yeah, we, uh, we’d like two Big Mac meals. Diet Cokes.
WIFE IN BACKGROUND: Tell them we want two of those free WheeFees.
HUSBAND: Can we have two of your free WheeFees, too?
SPEAKER: I have two Big Mac meals with diet Cokes. I don’t understand about the …uh… what are those?
HUSBAND: Out here on a sign it says you have free WheeFees.
WIFE (in background): See if they have one in yellow.
SPEAKER: Free what?
HUSBAND: WheeFees. There’s a sign here that says they’re free. I think they’re from that new Shrek movie.
SPEAKER: I’m new here. Let me get the manager.
HUSBAND TO WIFE: Let’s just forget it.
WIFE: Let’s not. I really want one. They sound cute. The baby could play with them. If not yellow, blue.
MANAGER (on speaker): Can I help you?
HUSBAND: Yeah, we’ve ordered but we also want two of your free WheeFees.
MANAGER: Uh…huh?
HUSBAND: It says here you’re giving them away. We’d like two.
WIFE: Tell him we want three. One for the baby.
HUSBAND: Charlene, shush. ..I can’t hear!
MANAGER: I’m sorry, sir, I can’t understand you. You want what?
HUSBAND: WHEEFEES! It says right here on your sign. They’re free. Free WheeFees.
MANAGER: We don’t have anything like that. What exactly does the sign say?
HUSBAND: Free WheeFees.
MANAGER: How do they spell that?
HUSBAND: W.I.F.I.
MANAGER: It’s WiFi. We have free WiFi.
HUSBAND to WIFE: Oh, it’s pronounced WhyFie. Charlene, it’s pronounced WhyFie.
HUSBAND to MANAGER: That’s what I said. We want two.
MANAGER: We don’t give them away. They aren’t things. They’re for computers.
HUSBAND: Oh. Well, we have a computer and it says here you give them away and we’d like two of them.
MANAGER: It’s for laptops.
HUSBAND: We don’t have a laptop, just a regular computer.
MANAGER: You have to have a laptop.
HUSBAND: So, if we have a regular computer we don’t get free WheeFees…WhyFies… but if we have a laptop, we do? Is that what you’re telling me?
WIFE FROM BACKGROUND: Tell him that’s discrimination.
HUSBAND: That’s discrimination. We might get a laptop sometime so we’d like the free dohickies anyway. Is it some sort of a game thing?
MANAGER: Oh good grief. No, it’s not a game thing. WiFis aren’t things. It’s like… like air…like things floating through the air. Signal things.
HUSBAND (LAUGHING): You’re giving away free air? That’s the craziest thing I ever heard. Air is free anyway. (In a lowered voice:) Does Ronald know about this?
MANAGER: It’s not really air. It’s a service thing for laptops. Signals through the air.
HUSBAND: Does this mean we’re not getting the free WheeFees…WhyFies?
MANAGER: Uh huh.
WIFE FROM BACKGROUND: This is wrong, really wrong. It says right on the sign, FREE.
MANAGER: I tell you what, how about I just give you two McFlurries and a Shrek mug. On the house.
WIFE: It’s not right.
HUSBAND: We’ll take it but I think you need to fix your sign. Admit it, you really don’t have free WheeFees at all, do you?
MANAGER: I guess not.
HUSBAND: That’s false advertising.
MANAGER: You’re right. I’m going to come out right now and take down that sign. I’d hate for anyone else to get confused.
HUSBAND: Good idea. I’m glad I could point this out to you. There are a lot of people out here who aren’t as smart as me and could cause a lot of trouble.
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